The first compact disc I ever bought was The Pros and Cons of Hitchhiking. That’s right, I said compact disc and not cd. I guess I could of said record or cassette because I had it on those formats as well, but what I’m trying to get across is I’m not so young anymore.  With three kids, four and under, I’m feeling it today especially since today my wife returned to work after 12 weeks on maternity leave.

So, the day began at 5:23 AM, which is where that album comes in with its time titles (I still think it’s genius) and me thinking this could be an unreleased track, with my middle kid screaming “DADDY” at the top of her range. Now normally her time is 6:30ish, but thank you end of daylight savings and an extra innings Mets game five meltdown, I was not mentally, emotionally or any kind of -ly prepared to deal with this.  Thankfully (there’s the       -ly again) my wife rescued me (and probably my two year old) and took charge of the situation.  The next thing I know it’s kisses, group hugs and she’s out the door to resume her working mom life leaving me alone to figure out how to defend 3 on 1. Well I managed when there were only two kids so……

The first time out of the day was about 7 minutes after the screen door shut, when the middle one dumped a bowl of cereal over the four year olds head. And help me understand this, the four year old was more upset that her sister was in time out than being an innocent victim of her minionism. Meanwhile, the baby is just chilling in his swing. Good baby.

The next incident of the morning was when the middle got her hand entangled in the olders hair resulting in me having to use sissors to free her. Yup, you heard right, she had her fingers wrapped so tightly they were turning red. How did this happen you ask, well while I was changing the very good baby, the middle grabbed a chunk of  her sisters hair and started running in a circle like a tether ball. The four year old instigated the whole incident yelling “go doggy go.” Fortunately, my oldest has beautiful think hair like mama, so it is not very noticeable to the untrained eye but my wife certainly will, which leads me to the funny after the crying and heart palpitations ended. The older one again sticking up for her cuckoo sister says “That never happened. Don’t tell mother.”

Well, now it’s finally nap time after a walk to the grocery store for bananas and bread, a little outside/bring around the garbage cans time and lunch. All rather uneventful though after the near amputation and scalping most things would be. So I’m writing this while trying to get the baby (notice I left out good) to follow the Dada afternoon sleep plan. All I ask for in the day is one hour to regroup, maybe shower and eat. So, with big sis watching her “show”, which today is an odd English princess cartoon, little sis in her crib wearing a pair of gold shoes, big girl underwear and a mets hat (just to rub it in I’m  certain, it’s the boy’s turn to mess with me. Oh well, it’s only day one and it’s not a best of seven but a marathon which makes perfect sense. Oops, wrong Roger Waters album that’s Amysed to Death and that would put a way different spin on this.  Oh well I told you I was unprepared for 5:23AM.